we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
