OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
