He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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