apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
