I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
