I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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