Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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