That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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