So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
