He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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