dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I party with great urgency now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
