What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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