You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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