I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
