I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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