On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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