btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
