i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
