hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize
