She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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