And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
