This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
