i think my tv is drunk
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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