I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
