Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize