my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
