tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
