I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He has the fingertips of a God
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
