worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
