it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
