They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
