I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize