I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
