I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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