Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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