your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
