This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
