All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
