I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
