You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
