I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize