It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
