Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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