so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
