It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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