Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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