So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
ok first of all what the fuck
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
