It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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