This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
