Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
