I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
