Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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