so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
