Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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