whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know her cup size but not her name....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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