She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
