you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
