Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
