okay pat passed out under dana's car
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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