She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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