I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
