So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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