I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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