Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Floor bacon is actually really good
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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