I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
this boner is exhausting
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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