Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
