Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
