I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
