Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
