I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
