my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
