He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's always time for handjobs
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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