It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
