Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
