Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
