I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
