Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
