i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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