when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
