The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
