I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
